Heir Mail #5: Hate the money, not the heiress
Heiress Harris, 'Rich Kids Go Skint,' and Francesca Packer-Barham is cemented as the main character of this newsletter.
Welcome back to Heir Mail, the only newsletter culled from the Google Alert for “heiress,” and that consistently runs so long that I can’t justify wasting time with a ponderous intro anymore.
Here’s something like a Table of Contents so you can CTRL+F the nouns, if you’d like:
Rendall Coleby and Rich Kids Go Skint
T.I.’s daughter Heiress Harris, living life
Francesca Packer Barham’s edgy boyfriend
Burglary of Publix’s heiress’s home linked to murders
From the rest of the alert: KFC’s Lifetime ad, Anerlisa Muigai, Abigail Disney, Harriet the Spy author Louise Fitzhugh, Fiona Swarovski, and one more big name I am officially vowing to cover next week.
“Rich Essex heiress ditches designer gear and life of luxury to stay with family on the breadline,” Essex Live
“Essex heiress moves in with Leicester family on Universal Credit for TV show,” Leicester Live
I generally think England has the best reality shows (have you ever heard of Naked Attraction?), so I was very excited to learn about the British reality show Rich Kids Go Skint. It seems to be kind of Simple Life-meets-Wife Swap or like Undercover Boss for people who have never taken a management seminar.
On a recent episode, 19-year-old Instagram influencer and brand new mom Rendall Coleby moves in with a family of four who have experienced homelessness. While both The Sun and WaliKali didn’t know anything about her parentage — sending me briefly down a bit of an existential “what is an heiress?” rabbit hole that we will revisit in just a minute, and probably constantly through this project — Essex Live explains that her family owns a store called Coleby Jewelry in Billericay. So fun to say, definitely not pronouncing it right. Rendall reports being gifted a £30,000 Mercedes for her 17th birthday.
Rendall Tyga Coleby with her new baby | Rendall Tyga Coleby’s Instagram
I do appreciate how everyone is finding the local angle here — Essex Live notes she’s from Essex, Leicester Live cares the family she stays with is from Leicester — but ultimately the show seems a bit predictable and lowkey. Rendall isn’t a monster, the family likes her because she tries, and she’d moved to tears when she sees how terrible things are for people who don’t have enough money for basic needs. True!
Heiress points: Parents reportedly gave her her own building when she was 15. Learning a lesson about inequality, 20 points. Learning that lesson on TV, 30 points. Being considered an heiress on, ultimately, not that much money, 20 points. 85 points!
Estimated Net Worth: $200K USD as per WaliKali.
“TI Is The Proudest Dad Next To His Baby Girl, Heiress Harris – Check Out Their Photo Together,” Celebrity Insider
“TI AND DAUGHTER POSE IN ADORABLE DADDY-DAUGHTER PHOTOS,” BCK
“Tiny Rocks Sexy Black MiniDress For Football Game WithDaughter Heiress, 4 — Pic,” Hollywood Life
“T.I. AND TINY’S DAUGHTER, HEIRESS HARRIS, WAS THE ‘REAL MVP’ AT SAINTS VS. FALCONS GAME,” BCK
“TI & Tiny's Daughter Heiress Harris, 4, Dances Like Her Mommy & Daddy On TikTok,” “Hollywood Life”
“Tiny Harris Melts Hearts With This Video Featuring Heiress Harris,” Celebrity Insider
“TI's Video Featuring His Baby Girl, Heiress Harris Has Fans Calling Her 'Brilliant,’” Celebrity Insider
One could devote an entire separate newsletter to Heiress Harris, if one wished. There is that much content. I kind of hope one would not wish, though, because she’s 4.
The question she raises, at least for the purpose of this newsletter and alluded to previously, is: what is an “heiress?” Heiress Harris is only showing up in the alert because of her given name, but she’s not substantively different than other heiresses we talk about. She’s the daughter of a wealthy family, she’s surrounded by glamour and privilege, she’s closely tracked by a waiting public, she’s even taken an interest in dance, like 22-year-old Huawei heiress Annabel Yao.
Heiress Harris on TikTok | Tiny Harris’ Instagram
The very cute little girl is clearly the apple of her parents’ eye. Like so many people with kids, they absolutely love post about family things, like practicing TikTok dances or learning to sound out words that end in “-et.” And many sites, largely Black-focused entertainment sites, love to pick up these parent-y posts, because they come from the rapper T.I. and his wife “Tiny” Harris.
Whether or not the Harris family should be counted among seems the other wealthy families chronicled here seems both foundational to this project and also kind of silly. T.I.’s career is objectively impressive; he had a huge hit with “Whatever You Like,” and has since fashioned himself into total media mainstay, having had like 80 jobs across every form of pop culture. He’s a songwriter and a producer; he has a clothing line, multiple reality shows, reality and celeb-drama alike. He was in Ant-Man? There’s a Wikipedia page just for his awards. Plus, spoiler for the estimated net worth part, he’s reportedly worth $50 million. That’s the same as Nicky Hilton alone, supposedly, and more than say, the Colebys in England, or Anerlisa Muigai, the Keroche beer heiress.
His wife, whose real name is Tameka Dianne and who stands 4’11,” is also accomplished — she won a Grammy when she helped write TLC’s “No Scrubs.” (!!!) Together, they starred in T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle. They nearly broke up in 2016, but they’ve worked to reconcile, and family is a centerpiece of their brand. (The name T.I. even comes from the rapper’s grandfather, who was called “Tip.”) It is and was their choices that lead to their daughter being tied to the idea of inheritance, and they make a good argument.
There’s also the issue of Heiress’s age. She’s very, very little; completely unable to determine her own narratives — she is literally just learning to read. But others heiresses are young as hell too. The condition often starts at birth, that’s a big part of it!
Heiress Harris sounds out “pet” and “met” | T.I.’s Instagram
Here’s the real catch: the Harrises have a bunch of other kids who will likely never show up in this alert. Lots of rich celebrities have kids, with lots of names. This little girl isn’t really being called an heiress by anyone else. And god, there’s already so much to cover.
Heiressdom, as we’re engaging with it, is a media construction — totally bullshit, but a bullshit that points at something. Something about wealth, something more about our culture and the lenses it’s filtered through. While I respect and acknowledge T.I. and Tiny’s attempt to force the issue, Heiress Harris will not be appearing in the top part of this newsletter again. (But maybe we’ll see her back in the bottom part if there’s a really cute video. I mean, did you see her sounding out words?)
Heiress points: Just for being 4 years old, 4 points. 4 points!
Estimated Net Worth: T.I.’s net worth is $50 million, according to both Celebrity Net Worth and Wealthy Gorilla.
“Billionaire heiress Francesca Packer defends her unlikely friendship with Mark Judge - and reveals the ex-bikie associate makes her feel 'safe,'” Daily Mail*
I feel a little badly about how I judged Francesca Packer Barham last week, as “fucking terrible.” I still think that throwing a “Eurotrash”-themed party is an ill-chosen vibe for 2020, but you know, hate the choice, not the chooser, hate the money, not the heiress, etc. I’m likely desperately jealous that Australia has done such a tremendous job with Covid; people can gather by 100 there! Francesca is one of the only partying heiresses that we even have right now, and we’re lucky she pops up in the alert so much.
This week, the alert caught three Daily Mail links, two of which turn out to be aggs of one big Sydney Morning Herald column (which didn’t get caught in the alert? WTF?). Francesca is using her relative freedom to have personal relationships, something those of us in the US vaguely remember.
First, DM reports that Francesca has ended her relationship with her PR person Roxy Jacenko.
FPB and Roxy in 2018 | Francesca Packer Barham’s Instagram
Roxy and FPB were seemingly the best friends for a time (no exact word on how/if FPB’s best friendship with hairdresser Jacki Mann plays in here), and our friend Andrew Horney describes 40-year-old Roxy as “street smart” and a “publicity-seeking missile.” But she wasn’t at Francesca’s birthday parties (either of them), and neither woman is commenting.
(Later, Roxy denies to the Mail that she and FPB are on bad terms at all saying, “I've got children and I'm running seven businesses” and can’t go to every party. She blames interest on the lack of news during Covid. )
Who was at Fran’s party? A man named Mark Judge. The Mail has a must-see pic of them together from the yacht bash; she’s wearing that mesh mini-dress, the good one, and he — a hot bald in other photos — appears to be wearing a ratty wig under a baseball cap as part of his costume, along with a Versace-esque gold-print top and Givenchy slides. Like, aw, he really did the theme!
The relationship requires defense to Andrew Horney because Mark has been in the Australian news before. In 2009, the police came to his apartment a few days after a Ryan Stokes, heir to the Channel 7 media fortune, reported missing his girlfriend, soap actress Jodi Gordon (now Jodi Anasta, and yes, she has since been on ur-soap Neighbours). Jodi and Mark were found in the bathroom. Mark said they were hiding from gunmen who had scaled his walls; Jodi said they’d consumed cocaine. Video footage revealed no shadowy men in Judge’s backyard. Reports consistently describe him as “a former Bikie associate” (an ex-motorcycle gang dude, in American). In 2011, Mark was stabbed 11 times on a fancy street in Sydney.
Mark Judge (second from left) with three sexy devils in 2012 at “Maxim Australia Celebrates Hot 100 At Halloween Bash With Special Guest Sophie Monk” |Eva Rinaldi Photography via Wikimedia
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Truthfully, stories like Judge’s always make me feel a little unsure, on a human level, let alone a journalistic one. There’s so much implied but not outright said, and I wonder how much I’m supposed to infer, when and how and what exactly. What’s judgmental to assume; what’s naive not to, etc. What a coke dealer looks like in print, what you can say in newsletter that doesn’t get you sued. If people can change, and how, especially in public.
Today, FPB says he makes her feel “safe.” She knows all about his past. There are a couple big genres this story could end up falling into, but I am going to go ahead and pull for romance novel.
Heiress points: My recurring failure to maintain objectivity in Francesca Packer Barham journalism, 20 points. A “man from the other side of the tracks” narrative, 50 points. The appearance of a possibly-conniving, unquestionably-older female figure with whom you have mixed business and friendship, 40 points. Possible bad terms with said older female figure, 25 points. 135 points, plus the 226 points from last week, 361 points!
Estimated net worth: The Sydney Morning Herald estimated in 2016 that her mother Gretel had $739 million ($545.7 million US).
“Details emerge in burglary of Publix heiress' home; same suspect as Lake Morton killings,” The Ledger
“Suspect in Polk double murder burglarized Publix heiress' home two days earlier, police say,” Tampa Bay Times
“Accused killer of Lakeland couple, believed to have also stolen silver from Publix heiress' home: report,” Orlando Sentinel
It turns out that “being the victim of a crime” is pretty high up on the list of things inherited wealth gets you, based on the last few weeks. It’s also pretty high up on the list of things that just being alive gets you, though.
Julia Jenkins Fancelli is the daughter of George Jenkins, who founded Publix supermarkets in 1930 — according to Forbes, the chain was created to spite Jenkins’ former boss, the owner of the Piggly Wiggly, because the Piggly guy snubbed him after an eight hour drive. It also says Publix is the “largest employee-owned company in America” (get the name?). Suddenly I understand everyone from the South’s intense love.
Julia’s house was the site of a break in on November 8th; a man named Marcelle Jerrill Waldon is suspected of having taken pieces from a sterling silver tea set, popping open the window while no one was home. He never set foot inside the house, and he is accused of selling the silver to an antique mall the next day.
On November 10th, the day after the silver was sold, David and Edie Yates Henderson were stabbed to death at their home. While David was reportedly out buying breakfast, Marcelle supposedly walked into their unlocked home and made Edie write him two checks for $5K each, “possibly at gunpoint.” David returned, and eventually both were stabbed. (It is unclear why a person who might have had a gun would have used a knife). The burners were left on in a suspected attempt to set the house on fire. Marcelle tried to cash one of the checks the same day.
Heiress points: IDK, 100 because Publix is publicly-owned? Another 20 for sterling silver? Another 5 for being pretty hard to Google, good for you actually? These things have really outlived their usefulness in five weeks. 125 points!
Estimated Net Worth: $6.8 billion for the family in 2015, according to Forbes.
From the rest of the Alert
On the same day this newsletter goes out, Lifetime will be airing a “steamy” “original ‘mini-movie’” starring Mario Lopez as “hot ‘Colonel Sanders.’” The object of the Colonel’s affection is “a young heiress.” There are some cynical corporate stunts that bring me a dark joy; this is emphatically not one of them.
Last week we had Keroche beer heiress Anerlisa Muigai saying her husband’s music video was “ratchet,” this week Kenyan lifestyle site The Standard reports that she’s on the ‘gram declaring her love, writing “Every night is a date night over here, life is short.” Even though she didn’t get points this week, I made Anerlisa a little notecard, she’s clearly earned it.
Abigail Disney, perhaps the modern heir most outspoken about how fucked up wealth is, has thoughts about why her family’s company (guess which one) wasn’t prepared for the pandemic. She points to the company prioritizing shareholders over “stakeholders” — i.e. employees, who were laid off en masse. If Bob Iger hadn’t pushed profits to investors, Abigail argues, the company might have had some cash on hand to get through these difficult times. Not to sound biased but I love Abigail!
The NYPost has a must-read piece about another heiress I personally adore, author Louise Fitzhugh. It’s pegged to the publication of what should be our second book club book, except that I still haven’t finished the first one. The book’s called “Sometimes You Have to Lie: The Life and Times of Louise Fitzhugh, Renegade Author of Harriet the Spy,” by Leslie Brody. Let me know if you read it.
As indicated, Louise wrote Harriet the Spy, a children’s book about a mean, gossipy little bitch. If you’re signed up for this newsletter, you likely agree that Harriet M. Welch absolutely owns. The Post has pictures of Louise as an extremely cute young lesbian (and only 4’11”, just like Tiny), staying afloat in New York as a young artist thanks to money from her “musical millionaire” grandmother. Her parental situation, whew, well, you should go read about that.
Fiona Swarovski, of the crystals that won’t even center your spirit or whatever, is “devastated” because her ex-Austrian finance minister husband has been jailed for eight years for corruption. He took bribes, her family company is laying people off en masse; they both look incredible for their 50s.
Next week, Ghislane Maxwell. Finally!