Heir Mail #3
What "is" a bikini? Also, pictures this time.
Welcome back to Heir Mail, the newsletter that continues to be pulled from having a Google Alert for the word “heiress.”
Some housekeeping, kind of: Last week I did get a comment about including photos — duh you want to see the glamour — so this week, I’m including some embedded Instagrams and maybe whatever Wikimedia commons pics I can and crossing my fingers about image rights. Truly, though, the links often have the real good goods, so I will put little asterisks next to ones I really think you should click through for.
Also I did indeed purchase The Woman Who Stole Vermeer by Anthony M. Amore, tossed out as a book club suggestion at the end of last week’s newsletter. I read a bit and it was quite fun — for instance, I was delighted to learn that heiress-turned-art-thief Rose Dugdale is still alive and made the Vermeer she stole her Twitter photo — but then I don’t know, I put it down for a second and started watching TV and suddenly it’s late Sunday morning and I hadn’t read any more and I hadn’t written this newsletter yet, whoops. That vibe kind of suffuses the whole newsletter tbth. Probably you’ll hear more about this book later!
“The luxury life of Annabel Yao, heiress of the Huawei empire,” from MSN UK
God, remember fucking slideshows? A cursed medium for sure. MSN UK has one about Annabel Yao, “the daughter of Ren Zhengfei, founder of the biggest telephone company in China.” You’ve probably seen the name Huawei in headlines; if you’re like me you just pretended to know what it was — the make the physical phones, for one thing I didn’t realize (when I hear “phone company,” I do still think AT&T). According to MSN UK “her life is a fabulous adventure.” But this 24 slide slideshow is not. I’ll summarize.
For the first five slides: She’s an influencer, she’s 22, she went to Harvard for computers, she likes ballet, she has much older half sisters. Then we learn in slide 6 that her dad is a “member of the Communist Party, and part of the oligarchy that drives the nation’s politics and economy” which okay is a pretty intense sentence for an MSN slideshow. His new, third wife is supposedly his former secretary.
In slide 7, her older half sister Meng Wanzhou is accused of fraud in Canada AND breaking trade law in the US, and then we’re back to Annabel: she dresses well, again she does computers at Harvard, again she does ballet, she was presented at a Deb ball in 2018, she likes the beach and travel, she wears clothes more, she’s used an iPhone and NOT always a Huawei phone, she is alive during coronavirus, oh my god this is dull, MSN thinks she might join a pop group, blah blah blah. All I want now is a slideshow about Wanzhou!! (Wait, no, definitely not a slideshow.)
Annabel Yao at her graduation with her name on a cake.
I’m putting a pin in this half sister situation, but a glance at Wikipedia says goes by both Cindy and Sabrina. Two westernized names, two crimes on the North American continent, I love your chaos, Wanzhou! And Annabel, I hope you get a more compelling interest, like crime!
Heiress points: Attendance at arguably the most prestigious university for people who like prestige, 40 points. Rarefied and punishing extracurricular dance activity, 30 points. Designer wardrobe, 40 points. Cake, 1 point. Stepmom who used to work for your dad, 5 points. Family members accused of fraud, 20 points. Not being as compelling as your half-sister even in your own slideshow, -30 points. 106 points!
Estimated net worth: SCMP puts her dad at $1.1 billion. Also, here’s a bunch of links about how Huawei phones are banned in the UK (and the US) and how they’re “the world’s most controversial company.” TLDR, it’s mostly for spying on us on behalf of China! It is not, like Apple and like I assumed, for labor exploitation.
“Inquest in Keroche heiress Tecra Muigai's death to be held in Nairobi, court rules,” from Tuko*
I missed a day last week, so this is a bit old, and a terrible case — Tecra Muigai was only 30 when she died in May, the result of head injuries. The main suspect is her death is her boyfriend, Omar Lali. This article is accompanied by pictures of the two together. The idea that her life was cut short is enraging.
Tecra Muigai, as seen in a memorial post on her sister Anerlisa’s Instagram.
Tecra’s mother, Tabitha Karanja, is the founder Keroche breweries, the second largest producer of alcohol in Kenya.
The Director of Public Prosecutions was pushing to move the inquest to the island of Lamu — where, Tuko says, Omar is reportedly an “influential person among boat owners, operators and beach boys” and where boat is “single most reliable form of transport.” Tabitha and her family strongly opposed the move, implying that the DPP was covering the events surrounding Tecra’s death at the behest of someone else; the DPP claimed Lamu is simply where the witnesses are. In the end, the magistrate moved the inquest to Nairobi, almost 300 miles from the island.
I went down a bit of a rabbit hole here, intrigued by Tecra — who looks luminous and happy in photos — and her mother, an indigenous Kenyan woman who founded and runs an enormous alcohol company in a culture dominated by traditional gender roles and a market dominated by interlopers. (Worth noting, perhaps, that Keroche is not without controversy; Tabitha and the company have faced issues over what is known as “sin tax.”)
Prior to her passing, Tecra had been a notably press-shy member of her family. In February, her older sister Anerlisa “share[d] little known details” about Tecra as per The Standard, namely that she “hates the spotlight.” In public, Tecra would go so far as to deny Anerlisa (who is active on Instagram and married Bongo singer Ben Pol in 2019) rather than deal with attention. Earlier this month, Tuko reported that Anerlisa “lost weight to resemble” Tecra, a claim that came directly from Anerlisa’s Insta story, and she even popped up in the alert again this week to reveal that her biggest fear about pregnancy is getting fat. (She does not seem to be pregnant.)
Anerlisa Muigai.
Anerlisa is not the only extended family member speaking out about the events of May. According to a cousin of Omar’s, speaking to The Standard, Tecra may have converted to Islam prior to her death, and been living with Omar as husband and wife. “Omar is very famous,” cousin Mohammed Ali Mohammed said. “He is known to have children even abroad with different women but as a family, we cannot judge him but had to accept his new wife after he introduced her to us.” The article also notes that Omar’s mother believes he was framed.
[Like last week, we’re not doing heiress points for the dead, but Tabitha is reportedly worth 2 billion Kenyan shillings, which is just over $18.25 million US.]
“Chiefs Heiress Gracie Hunt Rocks Revealing Red Bikini To Get Ready For Chiefs-Bucs Game (PICS),” from Total Pro Sports
Our friends at TPS tells us that Gracie Hunt “took to social media… and posted herself rocking a bright red bikini to get ready for the game.” And okay… no?
Gracie Hunt in a one piece, my dudes.
I’m sorry must I do all bathing suit journalism myself? Just because something has a hole in it doesn’t make it a two piece, gentlemen. Are these guys like, “ah, a donut, two halves of a whole.” Get it together. You don’t need “bikini” to sell this pic. We have the phrase “revealing swimsuit” in English for just such an occasion.
The article says virtually nothing else except approving murmurs about her appearance (fair! the point!), but Gracie’s dad owns the Kansas City Chiefs, a football team that is… probably up for a name controversy? That is, if I understand the parts of sports that dribble out into the larger discourse. Her dad, Chase, is the grandson of an oil tycoon, as per Wikipedia, and his dad, Lamar, founded the American Football League, which later merged with the NFL and became the American Football Conference. Her mom is a former Miss Kansas and former Miss Teen Missouri, which seems like carpetbagging to me but she’s also named Tavia Shackles which okay, I get it, give her crowns in multiple states, that’s a great name.
Heiress points: A one piece so alluring it broke men’s brains, 10 points. Multiple generations of deeply American moneymaking (oil! football!) from male ancestors, 20 points. No Drake beef, no good politics, unlike last week’s Total Pro Sports entrant, -10 points. 20 heiress points!
Estimated net worth: $3 million as per something called Starsgab.com.
“Francesca Packer-Barham celebrates her 26th birthday with a workout at the gym with her rarely seen mother Gretel and grandmother Roslyn,” from The Daily Mail
Maybe it’s too early to say this, but Australia has my favorite heiresses. Last week, no one could holding a candle to the lady whose dog bites butts, but we met also briefly met Francesca Packer-Barham with her, not to be rude, very central casting gay best friend. They share a dog; no word if it bites butts.
This week it’s her 26th birthday and she wore cleavage to the gym her mom and nana! Inside, the gym was “kitted out” with pink and black ballons for a celebration — is the gym safer in Australia than it is in the US these days? Maybe, but still seems like a weird place for a birthday party. Also noted in the story, Francesca was reportedly a “mystery bidder” for some sought after jewelry, buying herself a $575,000 diamond ring.
Francesca is the niece of James Packer, the man Mariah was engaged to but never fucked, and the great-granddaughter of Sir Douglas Frank Hewson Packer, aka Frank Packer, an Aussie media mogul. I feel like in a world of Murdochs, this begs for a deeper dive but… frankly I’m not feeling business minded this long weekend. I’m sure soon enough I’ll be red-string-boarding my way to a conspiracy about wealth, but this week I’ve been worn down by turkey consumption and too much slideshow-clicking.
Heiress points: Pink and black gym birthday party — weird — 26 points, one for each year alive. Buying the diamonds herself, 30 points. Getting gram to the gym, 10 points. Lavishing wealth and attention on a gay man while still in your 20s, 60 points. 126 points!
Estimated net worth: The Sydney Morning Herald estimated in 2016 that her mother Gretel had $739 million ($545.7 million US).
From the rest of the Alert
A bit of an update on the Tamara Ecclestone robbery trial — last week’s icy blond accused accomplice, Maria Mester, who I frankly found more compelling than Tamara, is back in a Daily Mail piece which note that she “ended police interview by complimenting officer's blue eyes and asking for another cigarette.” She says she had “fuck all” to do with the crime. Someone leave this woman some money! Also, Tamara had a lot of cash on hand.
The grandson of J. Paul Getty (museum creator/oil asshole, Christopher Plummer replacing Kevin Spacey in All the Money in the World, partial subject of a great Even the Rich podcast series on his family) died on November 20th. John Gilbert Getty was 52, and the father to 25-year-old Ivy Getty. Guest of a Guest has post dedicated to her grief; it both a slideshow and pulled from her Instagram. I feel sad for her and this bummed me out.
Ozy, a website I do not claim to understand despite it’s famed campaign to compare itself to other websites, has a list in their newsletter of “big business brats” — inheritors mostly in their 50s who might get their parents’ companies. It’s obviously in our interests but also impossible not to rip off wholesale so check it out. The alert picked up Susanne Klatten, the BMW heiress who almost got kidnapped in the 70s and cheated on her husband with a Swiss male sex worker.
Paris Hilton wore a silver dress to the AMAs and honestly I didn’t read the article or really even glance at the pictures. It turns out I don’t care about Paris Hilton, an admittedly strange stance for a woman who started a newsletter about heiresses. This made me laugh though.
