Hello! You’re reading HeirMail, the only newsletter to come from me (hi) setting a Google Alert for the word “heiress” and then just writing about whatever pops up.
We’re back! I swear Substack’s draft limit’s getting shorter? Might be the footnotes.
This week, all (explicit) crimes are in the rest of the alert. There are too many crimes.
CTRL + F:
Paris Jackson to cameo in a Hulu teen romance + I spin out a little thinking about her as her reality kind of has the gravitational weight of Jupiter and she’s only 23.
A Weibo humblebrag angers netizens.
Big house round-up!
From the rest of the alert: An acquitted husband’s first dead wife, Joan Collins news, Anerlisa DONE with Ben Pol (maybe), Ecclezone, terrible story about a tea heiress, Ghislaine and the Plan B, terrible story about the Guccis, Delvey got got by ICE, “a line of ready-made products to be enjoyed with alcoholic beverages,” MafiaXOil!
“Paris Jackson to appear in Hulu's teen rom-com Sex Appeal with Margaret Cho and Fortune Feimster,” Daily Mail
Paris Jackson doesn’t usually get saddled with the designation “heiress,” even though the some of foundational conditions — being the daughter of a wealthy and departed father — are part of the common understanding of her life. She hasn’t come up in the alert with the identification since I started doing this last November. She has popped up in a couple of Paris Hilton articles, though, because she also was packed off to an abusive boarding situation for troubled rich children.
Paris Jackson’s IG bio reads: “musician ☉ lightworker ☉ treehugger ☉ activist” but here she’s just tree holding hands | @ParisJackson
Any article about Paris J is, of course, freighted with the fact that her dad is Michael. She was a media sensation pre-birth; I remember the gross, obsessive speculation that’s surrounded her since, really, her mother Debbie Rowe1 was pregnant with her older brother Prince Michael Jackson I2. Still, she has been, in recent years, a headline generator of her semi-own. (Inasmuch as that’s possible, it’s complicated.) She’s acted and sang and participated in public life by some measure of choice, although I hope it’s not unkind to say that I do think she lacks his star power — as do most humans! Along the way, she’s had her own troubles with drugs and mental health and sexual abuse and suicide attempts and ideation chronicled closely. But not really “heiress.”
There could be some discomfort thinking about about her dad’s money and all its associations of sold off childhoods. But heiressdom might just be sort of unspoken and obvious extra text, ‘cause like, we know. It’s already so much.
Her media narrative, which is often about addiction and recovery, but also about tattoos and relationships and Facebook TV shows, is shot through with Michael’s death, and our collective role in his whole heartbreaking life. If you’re already bringing to bear, without trying, the full moral and emotional weight of the Teddy Perkins episode of Atlanta to every gossip item, you might leave out the financial math.
The Daily Mail has facts and figures though!
Among the news that she’s appearing in a “teen rom-com” from Hulu called Sex Appeal that stars noted romantic teens Fortune Feimster and Margaret Cho, the Mail explains that she gets $8 million a year from her $100M share of her father’s estate, “with bonuses at age 18, 33, and 40.” (The piece links to a NYPost article from 2016 about how her boyfriend at the time had a Confederate flag tattoo.)
I hope this is a “fun movie” like Fortune says; apparently it’s about “nerd prom” at a STEM conference, and I will very likely be watching it.
Estimated net worth: Celebrity Net Worth agrees with the Mail; $100 million.
“Jewellery brand heiress claims she is dating Bosco Wong,” The Independent.sg
“Bosco Wong Denies Dating Chinese Jewellery Heiress After She Hints At How Close They Are On Social Media,” TODAY Online
Weng Xiaojun, 27, also known as Weng Mimi, posted a picture of herself next to a picture of Singaporean actress Pauline/Paulyn3 Sun, a former Miss Universe contestant, writing “Bosco said I look like her. This is the only pic that I feel looks a bit like her." Bosco Wong, 40, is the star of movies like Golden Brother and Young Sherlock.
Anyone who has ever trolled for clout online knows that this entry is perfectly, infuriatingly done: the “subtle” mention of a handsome guy talking about how you look, the implicit compliment, the selfie. But it fell apart.
A Bosco Wong fan page. He looks cute and then you learn about his dating rules. | @boscowong_fans
A “netizen” — a phrase, judging by both Singaporean and Kenyan sources today, that has really taken off abroad — asked if the two were dating; Xiaojun said yes, then nah, actually, then Bosco issued his own statement saying no, and that she’d apologized to him for creating the kerfuffle. She might be lucky though; in 2020, The Independent (Singapore) published an article titled “Bosco Wong has 3 rules his girlfriend must follow”4 which is topped with the header: “After the interview was published, Bosco faced backlash for his ridiculous criteria. Netizens thought that Bosco was being unreasonable.” Do not anger the netizens!
Her family’s jewelry company, Liuguifu, makes gold-colored stuff.
A vibe. | via Google Image Search
That first necklace is selling for $271.21 on a site called eBuy7. They also make this:
Can you believe this necklace is 7ft, 1inch tall? | screenshot via Google Image Search
Estimated Net Worth: Unclear, but she reportedly has “230,000 followers on her social media accounts” as well as “real estate in Fujian and Shenzhen, and has several companies under her name.” She also doesn’t have one (1) old fuckboy, put that in the plus.
Real Estate Round Up!
“Vitamin maker and Lindemann heiress revealed as purchasers of Star Island estate for $38M: sources,” The Real Deal
“Former Listerine heiress' house brings $9.79M in Palm Beach, deed shows,” Palm Beach Daily News
Sometimes I think about giving the real estate stuff in here a better name than “Real Estate Round-up!” If I really put some spin on it, I wonder if I could sell this newsletter as niche real estate listing for self-hating billionaires; like a findom thing but where I benefit relatively little.
I’m not sure any other phrase could appropriately seethe with both contempt and jealousy, though. Or light-hearted carefeeitude, when I mean it that way!
Let’s run ‘em down, just the fun parts.
1) Rockefeller! Huge, with terrible stuffy rich person taste, all apologies to the late Abby O’Neill, granddaughter to John D. On sale for $8.1 million, on Long Island, nine car garage, has a name (“Meriwether”).
2) “Nutrition power couple Roger and Sloan Barnett” is an amazing phrase. They bought a $38 million house on Miami’s Star Island that was initially listed for $65 million four years ago. The seller, though, bought it for $1.83 million in 1987 so like, he’s fine.
Roger’s dad was the chairman of Burberry, Sloan’s dad was George Lindemann, lawyer, CEO of a pipeline company, owner of 19 Spanish-language radio stations, Republican mega-donor, and the VP of the Metropolitan Opera Association. Roger and Sloan own Shakelee. This place has little fountains where babies ride on dolphins who spit into the pool.
The Shakelee people’s living room? | Miami MLS
3) The house Listerine built! Once owned by the late Sue Whitmore, the property in Palm Beach and named “Twin Banyans” and near a golf course obviously, sold for $9.785 million to a mystery businessman “with strong ties to Boston.” Sue, when she lived, owned so much shit it was all called “Sue City.” (Here’s the real estate listing; the house is beautiful boring.)
Estimated net worth(s):
The Rockefellers are collectively worth $8.4 billion now, according to Forbes according to lovemoney.com, a web address too funny to fact check.
Sloan’s dad was worth $3.3 billion in 2018 before he died, per Forbes.
Sue Whitmore died in ‘93, IDK.
From the rest of the Alert
Donald McPherson, one of the legitimate handful of men recently on trial for killing his heiress partner, Paula Leeson, has been revealed to have other mysteriously dead wives. Donald was acquitted.
JCB manufacturing heiress Alice Bamford pops up in this story about godmother/daughter duo Cara Delevinge and Joan Collins? They ate cod in Malibu.
Anerlisa Muigai, Keroche beer heiress, seems to be both pregnant and possibly! done with her husband, singer Ben Pol. She took him off her Insta and stopped wearing her wedding ring.
Jetting in and out of the Ecclezone (TM) for just a sec, F1’s Bernie is defending Tamara for traveling to her 6th country.
Bushells tea heiress Alisha Oxley’s husband, a music producer and DJ, kidnapped their kids and then ended up in the hospital. The kids are okay.
This little rundown of “Ghislaine Maxwell's love life” features only one boyfriend besides Jeffy Epstein or her possible-definite-whatever husb Scott Borgerson: a guy named Ted Waitt, who happened to found Gateway Computers and took Ghislaine to Chelsea Clinton’s wedding. It says “Maxwell helped Waitt obtain and renovate a luxury yacht, the Plan B,” which is definitely an activity and boat name you want to tell people Ghislaine Maxwell assisted you with.
Patricia Gucci doesn’t like Al Pacino playing her dad. Her own daughter, Alexandra Zarini, accused Patricia’s ex-husband, former music manager to Prince and Earth, Wind, and Fire, of molesting her for years. Alexandra says Patricia knew about the abuse and did nothing to stop it; Patricia says she left him when she found out.
Anna Delvey / Sorokin got taken by ICE, supposedly because of her unrepentant Insta. Fuck ICE though!
In the past we’ve seen the water and nut rage heiresses of the Korean Air fortune popping up in the Korea Times (this week I… genuinely don’t understand the news about them, I’m sorry), Lim Se-ryung, of the Daesang Group, is actually in for some good news from the same publication. The one-time wife of Samsung’s Lee Jae-yong5 was promoted to vice chairwoman of her family company, having overseen the Chungjungone food brand, which released a “line of ready-made products to be enjoyed with alcoholic beverages.”
Italian oil heiress arrested amid a plot about fake fuel; the mafia laundered money through singer Anna Bettozzi’s failing family company.
According to this Distractify article, Paris and Debbie do see each other sometimes now, although it’s a relationship formed as adults.
A name that like, my god, talk about an attempt to leave a legacy; the weight, I can’t.
Spelling varies by outlet.
Know that his friends come first; don’t question where he goes; understand that he’s high status. No, you’re absolutely crazed with desire.
Not to reduce a person to her former marriage but seems like a notable one.